January 2012
I feel like such an adult today. Paid all my bills, deposited some money, made myself food, got to work early, properly dressed myself, didn’t look like an asshole in front of anyone! Productivity has reached an all time high.
“I once gave a girl a bloody fake ear in a Tiffany jewelry box with a letter that said, ‘Will you Gogh to prom with me?’”
—Matthew Gray Gubler (via lifeoverdoes)
How To Get Over A Break Up
I was recently broken up with and feeling a little down in the dumps. At around 2am this past Saturday I stumbled into my friends’ apartment for some extra drinks as well as the fancy Meat & Cheese platter that I (correctly) assumed they had. About an hour and several drinks later my friend Bill decided to give me a pep talk:
Bill: Hey. You’re a good man who does the right thing and treats people the way they deserve to be treated.
Me: (nodding, taking big gulps of whiskey)
Bill: I’m sure you treated her right and sometimes it just doesn’t work, you know? There are plenty of other girls out there and soon you won’t even think about this girl because you’ll find someone that blows away everything you thought you wanted in another person.
Me: (nodding, smiling)
Bill: You’re a good guy and I’m proud to call you my friend.
We hug and stand in silence for a few seconds. I take another big gulp of my whiskey.
Me: Can I ask you somethi-
Bill: Did I fart?
Me: Ya! I didn’t want to say anything because you were giving me this awesome half-time speech…
Bill: Oh ya I definitely farted. Right when we hugged.
Me:I knew it! I was gonna give you the benefit of the doubt because there’s 6 other people here but…
I look around the room. In the distance a group of people snack on the last of the prosciutto.
Me:…there’s like nobody else near us and I didn’t feel a draft or anything.
Bill: I felt bad because I could tell that you knew and I was just sort of waiting for you to bring it up.
Me: It was such a good speech and made me feel good and all I could think about was how you’d feel if you didn’t fart and I just shit all over the special moment we were having.
We both wait a beat before laughing as hard as humanly possible. We catch our breath and give each other a big ol’ man hug - the kind where you pat each other on the back twice before you let go.
Me: That was the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Beautiful.
So good.
“What’s the worst thing you can call a woman? Don’t hold back, now. You’re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank. Okay, now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy. I’ve even heard the term ‘mangina.’ Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that’s not royally fucked up.”
—
Full frontal feminism: a young women’s guide to why feminism matters
By Jessica Valenti
(via suzywire)
Yoga has already made me so flexible yippee!!
My roommate came home from her employee party, literally flew down a flight of stairs, smacked her head on the wall, went limp like a rag doll, won’t talk, won’t swallow water, hasn’t puked, and is laying in the bath tub.
God fucking damn it.
“Although most boys figure out how to bring themselves to orgasm by age thirteen, half of girls don’t have their first orgasms until their late teens, twenties, or beyond. Teenage girls widely agree that they get the message loud and clear that masturbation is something boys do, but girls don’t, can’t, or shouldn’t. The cultural focus on intercourse tells young women to expect they’ll begin to experience sexual pleasure once they have sex with a man (whether or not they’re even interested in sex with men). Nearly all teen boys, on the other hand, experience sexual pleasure long before they get their hands—or other body parts—into a partner’s pants. Despite the massive advances in women’s equality, young women’s sexuality is stuck in a surprising paradox. Young women are sold provocative clothes but aren’t taught where to find their own clitoris. Many girls give their boyfriends oral sex, but are too uncomfortable with their own bodies to allow the guys to return the favor. It’s still a radical act to say that women need and deserve access to information about their own sexual pleasure—not just about the risks and negative consequences of sex.”
—Dorian Solot, I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide. (via feministhistorian)
“The purpose of relationship is not to have another who might complete you, but to have another with whom you might share your completeness.”
—Neale Donald Walsch (via lucifelle)
“If I overreach myself for love, it is because I crave it so much, and have known so little of it.”
—Allen Ginsberg to Jack Kerouac ca. late July 1945 (via moochingwarwidows)
If you’re not going to listen to me when I talk, then why would I waste my attention on you? Why would I keep trying if I’m constantly being spoken over?
I just want a god damn milk shake and some god damn food please and fuck you.
